Ending a relationship is never easy. But having the courage to follow through with your decision will make both you and her happier when the relationship has already passed its “best before” date. Be true to your emotions and do what’s best for you and her.
Relationships often go bad — and stay that way. Even when both parties know that they would be happier with someone else, it’s human nature to procrastinate about difficult decisions. So rather than riding inertia’s wave, use these tips to end the relationship and move on.
Make Her The First To Know
Out of respect for her, never tell your friends you’re going to break up before telling her it’s over. It’s a simple thing women consider sacred. The all too connected grapevine is not the place she should or deserves to be told that you’re no longer interested. You could discuss some relationship problems you’re having with your friends, but your final decision to break up with her should remain private.
Use your judgment to decide which day would be best to break the news to her. If she’s very emotional and you think that you’ll break her heart, try to do it on a Friday. This will give her the weekend to recover and spend time with friends. But if she’s the type to plow through full steam ahead, then perhaps Monday would be best. This will ensure that her busy workweek will keep her mind off the breakup and you.
Remember that there will be no “perfect time” to end the relationship. The best thing to do is set a random Monday or Friday to break up — and stick to it.
Find A Neutral Environment
Know and remember that it’s not fair to end the relationship at your place, and neither should you be forced to see a picture on her fridge of you and her hugging. Try to find a neutral place where both of you would be comfortable to express your feelings, like at a park. At least there you can walk and talk, or maybe even find a more secluded spot.
A restaurant, on the other hand, is a bad choice. If she makes a scene, there’s no respectful recovery and no quick way out. However, fear of embarrassment is never a reason to leave her in the middle of nowhere. No matter how emotional and heated the conversation gets, there’s no excuse for risking her safety or yours.
End It In Person
If you’ve lost that loving feeling, be courteous and tell her face-to-face. Phone calls and e-mail are fine for small talk, but this is a big issue. It’s natural to want as much distance as possible between you and her when you break the bad news, but in this case, fight your instincts and have the decency to say it to her face.
Keep It Simple
There’s no need to put her through the history of your decision to break up. She does deserve an explanation, but save her (and yourself) the long-winded reasons of exactly why and how things went sour. Be clear about the fact that you feel the relationship is at an end, but pepper that crystal-clear reality with a significant dose of regret.
It’s important to let her know that the decision to split up is difficult for you too. By letting this be known, you make a soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend a friend in mutual sorrow. Don’t say you’re going to call if you’re not going to. Part of keeping it simple also includes ending it smoothly — be fair to both you and her.
If you’re unclear about how you’re ending it with her, it could result in a dragged out breakup. Don’t break up in stages — if you want to sever the ties, there’s no time like the present.
Let Her See Your Point Of View
Who can argue with logic? You’re probably not the only one that has been feeling the relationship going downhill. A dose of reality might be just what the doctor ordered to get her to accept what it is you need to say and do about it. A good way to get her to understand why the two of you aren’t best-suited for one another is through a simple example. But make sure you get her to start the ball rolling.
Ask her if she has been feeling the lag in your relationship. She’ll probably have quite a few examples about why things haven’t been working out. Letting her talk it through will help her see why you brought the topic up in the first place.
Don’t Change Your Mind
There’s a big reason why you made the decision to confront her with the end of your relationship. She may argue, cry or even “not understand why you’re doing this,” but be sure and stick to your guns. There’s nothing worse than a flip-flop relationship — you’re either in or you’re out. So make sure you have rebuttals for all her potential comebacks.
Be Ready For Tears
Whether she’s glad you said something or not, chances are tears will be shed. Ending a relationship can bring intense emotion and she’s not about to save you from seeing it all pour out at once. When she does start to cry, be sympathetic but don’t be drawn in by an overflow of powerful emotion. Be an emotional rock. If your new ex is the stoic type (saving her emotions for a later time when you’re not around), don’t try to cajole a reaction from her. Let her be and tell her that you’re ready to talk when she is.
Make sure to have plans set with friends later that day. This will ensure that the breakup process isn’t dragged on longer than necessary and that you’re not alone if you feel bad about what just happened. Don’t be one of those guys who wants to prove one last time that he cares by breaking off his plans with his friends; that’s amateur stuff.